• Block out harmful UV rays with giant magnifying glass
• Always sit at least 100 yards from sun
• When applying sunscreen, get children on the beach to help with those hard-to-reach spots
• UV rays can damage the corneas; don’t forget to rub a good sunscreen into your eyes
• Risk of sunburn is especially high while swimming; strap on a thick lead suit before entering water
• Instead of using our sun, sunbathe using safer, more distant star like Beta-Sirius
• When tanning, always alternate who’s on top
• Avoid harmful UV rays; live underground until your descendants evolve into eyeless, albino mole people
• Before going outside, check sun’s strength by placing test baby in driveway for 1/2 hour
• Stabbings, while tanning or not, are very dangerous—avoid them
• For those raised in a red-sun environment, yellow sun may cause superpowers; use only for good
• Tanning is safest when done in short spurts; disrobe for just a couple of seconds every few blocks while walking through town
• Allow thick, protective melanoma to grow all over skin
• Avoid suntanning on inner planets like Mercury and Venus
• Coat body in “seagull-nip”; wait for protective coat of seagulls to cover body

Vitamin D fortified foods are not enough to ensure an adequate intake of the vitamin, and one-quarter of Canadians are not meeting the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA), says a new study.

Tucked down a narrow hallway in Davindra Singh’s sprawling Toronto dermatology clinic is a tanning booth. It’s about as tall as Dwyayne Wade and outfitted with 48 slender fluorescent bulbs. At a time when most dermatologists are urging their patients to drop their fake ‘n’ bake habits, Singh spent $20,000 on the machine, which some of his patients use three times a week.